The countdown is on to the end of 2020, a year that will not soon be forgotten, and has been wrought with stress, exhaustion, and isolation in response to COVID-19. I, for one, am grateful for the fresh start that 2021 will bring, with hopes for a tempered pandemic, a renewed sense of optimism for an efficacious vaccine, and perhaps a return to a more stable “normal”.

In the meantime, we continue to grapple with constantly changing public health recommendations and restrictions, a burgeoning cold and flu season, and what feels like a perpetually increasing veterinary caseload. There is no doubt that this year has increased struggles experienced by veterinary team members who have been navigating curbside appointments, coping with crippling staff shortages, dealing with frustrated clients, and supporting burnt out team members.

I am hearing from my veterinary colleagues that team members are battling to maintain mental and physical wellbeing more now than ever before.

But if there is one thing that 2020 has taught us (aside from new phrases like “physical distancing”, “doomscrolling”, “COVID bubble”, or “flattening the curve”) it is this:

We need healthy boundaries.

Throughout the last 9 months I have had people reach out to me asking questions like:

• How do we deal with clients who refuse to follow COVID protocols and yell at my team members?
• What do we do when a practice owner resists resuming curbside appointments when COVID case numbers are rising?
• If a friend wants to get together, but I know they are not adhering to COVID-related precautions, what do I do?
• When half of our team is isolating at home due to a close COVID-19 exposure, how do I get through my shift?

The answer to all these questions is simple:

We set boundaries.

Now if you have read some of my previous blogs or attended any of my workshops, you know that I am all about healthy boundaries. I genuinely believe that they are the foundation for our wellbeing. In “normal” times, boundaries allow us to carve out space for self-care, and in pandemic times, boundaries allow us to preserve our sanity.

If you are not setting boundaries, you are functioning day-to-day based on the wants and needs of everyone around you, rather than listening to and adhering to what you need to survive (and hopefully, one day soon, thrive).

So, when a client demands to come into the hospital when you have implemented curbside appointments and you start to feel resentment and anger creep in (red flags that a boundary is being crossed), take a deep breath and follow these strategies for setting and communicating a healthy boundary.

1. Acknowledge Your Needs and Limits: We all have different physical, emotional, spiritual, and social needs such as the amount of movement we need each day, how many days we can work in a row, the amount of time we require for personal reflection, and the frequency of opportunities to connect with others, respectively. We also have moral and ethical limits in the context of practicing veterinary medicine, as well as needs when it comes to feeling safe while working during a pandemic. Spend time identifying your needs and limits so that you can easily recognize where boundaries are needed.
2. Give Yourself Permission: This is perhaps the most crucial step when it comes to healthy boundaries. Acknowledge and accept that you are worthy of having your needs met and your limits respected. Whether it is having at least two days off each week, being treated with respect from clients, or working in a safe environment, all that matters is that you owe it to yourself. Once you can embrace that, it will be easier for you to stand up for yourself. In doing so, you will also be able to let go of any guilt that comes with setting boundaries.  
3. Communicate Boundaries Clearly: As uncomfortable as it can be, communicating a boundary openly and honestly is important. It can be difficult to say no to a client or colleague, but if you avoid implementing boundaries, people will continue to take advantage of you. Be confident in what you need and what your limits are and do not be afraid to voice them. It can be hard to get the words out, but once you do, it will feel like an incredible weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Some examples include “That’s not something I feel comfortable doing and here’s why” or “I need to ask for something and it’s important to me…”. Explanations do not need to be exhaustive but sometimes giving context for your answer will take the heaviness off your response. Likewise, an expression of empathy can go a long way; for example, “I know you’re frustrated…” or “I know you need my help…”, “…but I’m at my limit and have to say no.”
4. Stay Consistent: One of the biggest problems I see regarding boundaries is that people are inconsistent. I know veterinarians and technicians who say they are overworked and need a day off, but then say yes to picking up shifts when a colleague is sick. To avoid confusion with others in your life, when you set a boundary, stick with it. And if you do not, for whatever reason, then acknowledge that you are making an exception for that situation. Push-back is to be expected, but if you give in every time someone argues with one of your boundaries, then you will have a difficult time implementing them in the future.
5. Enlist Support: Tell your family and friends what you are trying to stick to healthy boundaries and recruit some of them as accountability buddies. Ask them to remind you when your boundaries are slipping. And if you continue to struggle with boundaries, you might seek support from a mental health professional. Years ago, when I was struggling to set boundaries with family and co-workers, I saw a counsellor who was an incredible help.

Remember, when it comes to boundaries, it’s about you not them. If you listen to your needs and limits and you communicate them in a way that is respectful yet firm, then you will benefit in the long term. So, let’s look forward to the new year knowing that 2020 has given us more reasons than ever to hold true to our boundaries.