I don’t know about you, but I have been on the receiving end of a person’s venting more in the past year than ever before. “Can I just tell you how mean our clients have been lately…” or “I just need to share how brutal work is right now…” or “What is the deal with these people who won’t follow the rules and restrictions…” are just a few of the conversation-starters that have inevitably led to minutes (or hours) of listening to a person’s venting over the last few months. 

And while many veterinary team members believe that venting is like opening the pop-off valve to relieve pent up pressure in the system, it is important to recognize that it does not always have positive effects. In fact, if we are not careful about how we are venting and who we are venting to, the results may be counter to what we are hoping for. Likewise, if we do not set boundaries around being on the receiving end of venting, we might find ourselves frustrated and exhausted.

Venting is often referred to as co-rumination by psychologists and is defined as consistent and excessive chatter related to one topic. Or if you prefer the Urban Dictionary’s definition, to vent is “to let off steam by saying everything that’s on your mind, usually out of anger.” 

While venting has perceived benefits that include discharging negative emotions, airing grievances in a safe space, and connecting with others who can offer a fresh perspective or share a similar experience, the negative consequences of venting must not be overlooked. 

Studies reveal that co-rumination can actually feed negative feelings rather than release them. In fact, a study investigating co-rumination among young women found that talking excessively about problems was associated with a significant increase in cortisol, suggesting that co-rumination can amplify stress rather than lower it. Maybe you’ve experienced this yourself after venting to a friend or co-worker about something then walking away feeling worse than you did before? 

There is also research to suggest that the way in which we co-ruminate can impact whether there are benefits or drawbacks. Studies demonstrate that co-brooding or talking about problems in a passive way (e.g., wishing clients were nicer, wanting work to be less busy, worrying about another pandemic wave) can increase symptoms of depression. Co-brooding can also create conflict in relationships, due to the strain that it places on friends or partners who feel like a consistent sounding board (or punching bag) for the person doing the venting. 

Alternatively, co-reflection is a more active approach to venting and involves considering specific aspects of the problem to better understand the situation. To continue using the previously mentioned examples, when co-reflecting, a person might consider how to better communicate with clients so that they are happier, discuss changes to the schedule that might alleviate the workload, and focus on what personal measures can be taken to protect themselves from COVID while others may not follow rules or remain unvaccinated. 

In short, co-reflection is a conversation intended to seek solutions, prevent the situation from repeating itself, or to determine action to address the problem; and research shows that it lessens symptoms of depression. 

You might be wondering what you can do if you are consistently on the receiving end of someone else’s venting.

The answer likely depends on a few different factors including whether the topic, timing, and circumstance make venting appropriate. For example, a colleague venting about a co-worker who happens to be in the next room and while you are trying to finish your medical records might require a healthy boundary communicated as “I’d like to be able to give you my full attention and help you sort through this, but right now I have to concentrate on finishing my records. Can we chat for a few minutes when we’re both done with work?”

Then when you find yourself having that conversation at an appropriate place and time, it helps to try to shift the conversation towards identifying or analyzing the problem and attempting to solve it. You might do this by saying, “What do you see as the problem?” or “How would you like the situation to change?”. Even asking “How can I help?” can be a good way to get a sense for whether the person doing the venting is open to a conversation focused on solutions or whether they are simply looking for someone to listen and empathize with their situation. 

No matter what the person’s reason for venting is, ensure that you have a clear sense of whether you are in a place of being able to listen or offer advice. If you’re already feeling emotionally drained from the events of your own day, you may choose not to be brought down by someone else’s negativity, especially if they are reluctant to seek solutions and would rather wallow in their position. After all, negativity is contagious and energy is a limited resource, so be diligent about who you share yours with.